Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
