I puked a lego.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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