im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
