I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
