I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
