Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
