There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
