Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
