I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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