He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
