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I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
