So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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