Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
