I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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