I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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