Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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