I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
