Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
