so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
