They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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