At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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