before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize