I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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