just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
