honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize