if you like me you must not know who I am
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize