I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
