fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
