she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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