I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize