I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
