oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
