I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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