i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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