I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
