At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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