his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
