oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
