I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
