...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
