mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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