I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
