My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
