Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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