I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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