if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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