your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
