My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
