Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
