Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
