The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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