please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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