I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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