he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
