i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
