Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
