My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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