when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
