I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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