remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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