Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Randomize
