Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
