then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
