I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
