TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize