Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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