I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
