a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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