I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
