well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
NoShamevember. You game?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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