the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm having to shit out rocks
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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