It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
