tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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