I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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