He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
