My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
