I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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