let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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