I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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