you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
