Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
