worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
