she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
