In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
