Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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