The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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