Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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