If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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